Sometimes I wonder if my path as an artist was just me losing the plot one day and me showing up day after day with the illusion that this is what I was supposed to be doing.

Does that make sense?

Some other questions I often ask myself (especially when sales are scarce and I’ve hit a creative bottom): Would I know when to quit? Am I being tested? Am I stubborn? Am I on the brinks of a life changing project? Is this the regular path of an artist? What amount of doubt is healthy? What does success look like to me? Do I need to reinvent myself every other month? Does money equal success? What’s the point of everything?

Deep? I don’t know. They’re just questions. Perhaps that it would be crazy not to wonder about it all.

I am not tethered to a regular 9-5 job. In a kind of poetic rebellion way, it sounds like a dream, and it is, but it’s not exactly the kind that came without sacrifices. Especially in today’s economy (!). I do not have a fixed income or a retirement fund that keeps getting bigger every year. I do not have a regular career or paid holidays. Depending on how you look at it or how you live your life, it might sound horrifying. In my case, I feel like it has somehow FREED me from a life that never felt like me. My constant is that when I am in a creative state, I am happy.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who was not sold this idea a ‘proper’ way to live but, what if that’s how we were actually supposed to live? Untethered. Free from unhealthy expectations. Free to be there for our children. Free from the grasps of consumerism. The freedom to actually BE HERE. The freedom to create and to bring ideas out in the world. Change the world, one project at the time. The freedom to inspire!

This keeps me going. This I hope is also inspiration to others who might feel like they’re meant for more. It’s definitely not the easy path but it’s one full of surprises if you really decide to show up for yourself. I haven’t even began to touch all the possibilities or all the ways I can show up as my most authentic self yet but I feel excited by every prospect. This path forces me to listen to my intuition, to get out of my comfort zone and to be HERE, in the moment. It’s forcing me to embrace the chaos just as it is holding my hand through it.

I wonder all the time about my path as an artist. Was this always where I was headed? In a way, all the roads have led me here. Of that I’m sure! It doesn’t stop the questions, but I welcome them as well as they are always guiding me to my next chapter.